Forward Progress

And she's off!

Lately

Blog Guilt is much easier to deal with than Mom Guilt.  With Joey gone, my arms are rarely free and my moments are rarely spare.  Things are slowly starting to fall into a routine and hopefully I'll slowly start visiting this little internet space more often.  

But here are a few things in our lives:

Someone is standing!

Someone is smiling!

Someone got to come home for an unplanned, 24 hour visit pre-departure.
PS. My husband is so handsome!


And someone reactivated her IPhone and is actually taking pictures of her kids!

Aurelia and Nono and our new chair.

Get at them beans!

This one is turning into quite the lug.  She's QUICKLY catching up to her sister's size.

Super static bouncing baby. 

Life is full and busy.  But it's also lovely.

Unremarkable

I've been working on a post about Aurelia's MRI results.  Unfortunately, when I finally got around to hitting "Publish" I was greeting with an "error" message.  And poof, all my work and effort was gone.  That's frustrating.  But I didnt really like the post anyways.  I had worked so hard to craft this little synopsis of a very important test in a fun, conversational way.  But sometimes life is just easier laid out nice and plain.  It's hard to be conversational about brain structures.  So, instead I'll just summarize the (mostly good) results.

The Good


- First and greatest, Aurelia HAS a corpus callosum! and a partial septum pellucidum.  This is the part of the brain that connects the right and left.  In her first MRI it was not visible at all.  It's hard to get into all the medical jargon, so we'll just say that this is a great piece of news.

- Her pituitary gland and optic nerve were "unremarkable."  Again, on her first MRI there were pages of notes on these two parts of her brain.  They looked damaged and not complete.  Now, her pituitary gland and optic nerve don't even warrant remark.

- She has loads of fluffy, healthy looking brain tissue.  I remember so vividly being in her last ultrasound and looking at this picture of her brain filled with fluid.  Her perinatologist took a pointer and outlined this barely visible grey line around the perimeter of her brain.  "That's her brain tissue, and it's under a lot of pressure."  Of course, we knew at this point that the brain is like a sponge in that when pressure is released, it will regain some of it's original form.  We didn't know how much tissue would fluff out.  And we're pleased to see that it was a lot!

The Questionable


- These results are preliminary.  Some really smart doctor will go over her MRI slide by slide for more thorough findings.  Although we're not expecting bad news at all, knowing there is more info coming can be a little daunting.  If nothing else, it makes us very impatient to wait.

- She does have some fluid pockets and some ventricle dilation.  It doesn't appear to be putting much pressure on her brain, but it does mean that there is brain tissue that has not fluffed out.

- The back of her brain shows signs of damage with some white and smooth tissue, and incomplete mylanation.  This wasn't huge news for us since we knew that't where her brain bleed was located, and that is the area of her brain that is not receiving as much blood.  It also goes hand in hand with many of her diagnoses (CVI, delayed motor development, etc.).  We also don't know what that means long term.  But we'll hopefully find out more at her neurology follow up.

How we're dealing with this news


We are so thrilled with her MRI results.  Even with the damaged areas and fluid pockets, knowing that much of her brain is unremarkable is a huge relief.  None of this information changes much about her longterm prognosis, her care, or her diagnoses.  But we're happy that there wasn't much to report.  And if there are anymore findings in the full report, I'll fill you all in.

Happy Fog

I suppose it's a given that the adjustment from one kid to two keeps our hands (literally) full.  Life feels foggy right now.  That could be due to lack of sleep.  Or it could be due to having an 18 month old and 1 month old (Happy 1 month Little M!).  It might be due to the fact that Aurelia came down with RSV which quickly became bronchiolitis two weeks ago.  Or it might be that the rest of us, including Marguerite, caught Aurelia's cold in a pretty major way.  Aurelia was all, "Welcome to the world, Sis.  Here's a nice virus for you.  Think that's tough?  I had brain surgery when I was your age!"  And Joey and I have been passing the tissue box and throat lozenges from one bedside table to the other as we pass our sniffles and sore throats back and forth.  I am a little jealous that he gets to take Nyquil, although it hasn't sped up his recovery.  So, yes, foggy is the appropriate descriptor for this season of our life.  It's a happy fog most of the time, full of cuddles and cute kiddos.

Mamaw was in town for the majority of our colds.  I am SO thankful for my mother-in-law.  What a blessing to have her here to help us navigate through this bleary-eyed time!  We didn't have to think about meals or laundry for an entire week.  Baby clothes were organized.  Floors were vacuumed.  Banana pudding was made and consumed.  Coffee was brewed before I rolled out of bed.  It was fantastic, especially on those days when getting out of bed seemed daunting and breathing through my nose was impossible.  But more than having someone to help around the house, I simply love having my mom-in-law around.  Like I said last week, she's one of my favorite people.  I'm thankful that she brews the coffee before I wake up, but I enjoy the conversation while we drink the coffee together most.  And, of course, my kids got their socks loved off with all the kisses and attention.  Aurelia was in heaven!  We were all sad to see her head back home.

Adding to the fog, our schedule has not slowed down.  We postponed and canceled most of our appointments last week when we were sick (and added in three trips to Pediatrics Northwest).  Now we're catching up and making up, including newborn pictures with Jacob Rodenbucher, Little M's one month appointment (53% for weight and the 93% for height), and Kid A's MRI on Friday.  It's a bit of a whirlwind, but I'm glad to get all these appointments done before Joey heads back to work at the end of the month.  I have a feeling the fog will get a little bit thicker when he leaves.  The first time he left after Aurelia was born, I lost my drivers license and checkbook and backed into a parked car all in the same week.  I feel a little more prepared this time and a little less tired.  Hopefully I won't get halfway to MOPS and realize I'm wearing slippers again.  It's all just part of the fog.  

One Hand

My baby likes to be held.  And I love holding her.  But having a little one in my arms most of the day has caused me to relearn life with only one free hand.  It makes everything a little slower, including typing a blog update.  Here are some things that are going on in our lives:

-Marguerite is 2.5 weeks old!  Where does the time go?  She is sweet and precious, but definitely lets us know when she's unhappy.  And she has beautiful red hair!  I hope it stays that way.  And she looks so much like Joey.  It's adorable.

-Aurelia does not know what to do with this new little person in our house.  She has responded with many sensory meltdowns, a few days of ignoring baby, a few days of ignoring mama, a bout of stomach flu, and now bronchiolitis.  Overall, though, I think she's doing really well.  And I'm glad she's not ignoring me anymore.

-March is a busy month for us.  Aurelia has an EEG, an MRI, a GI follow-up, a neurology follow-up, plus all her regular appointments, and a few extra pediatric visits to follow-up on all the bugs she's had these last few weeks.  Marguerite only has one appointment. . . that's such a strange feeling. 

-In many ways, having Marguerite is a whole new ball game for us.  We've already decided she's a genius because she can make eye contact at so young an age.  I'm guessing that's a pretty normal feeling for parents whose first child has special needs.

-Joey's mom gets here today and I am so excited!  I love having my mother-in-law here, not just to help with the kids, but because she's one of my favorites. 

And I think that's about all the one handed typing I can do.  I'd post a picture, but I can't seem to plug the camera in without both hands.  It will be great when this baby fits in a sling or wrap so I can have two hands.  For now I'm loving all these sweet cuddles with my little red-head.

And just like that, I'm 30

Welp, yesterday was my 30th birthday.  And it was a great day.  Granted, I didn't get to have a huge party (although my husband has something in the works for when I'm feeling more like myself).  In fact, I didn't do a lot.  I spent the day with my two daughters.  Still getting used to that. . . two daughters.  My parents brought me breakfast and coffee.  Joey brought me tulips.  And we went on a sushi date with our littlest sidekick.  It was pretty perfect.  Joey got me a new camera and gave it to me a little early since our old camera died and we wanted to take pictures of Marguerite's arrival.  Now I just need to start using it more!

So, how about the list?  Well, I failed.  Or maybe I got an incomplete?  Because I did accomplish a lot of the stuff on this list.  The things that I didn't accomplish are either in process or were held up by other items on the list.  Ah, let's be honest, I just didn't get it done.  Let's take a look back and I'll give some excuses.

1. Have a baby.  Totally got that one done!  Birth story coming soon!

I love post labor pictures where everyone looks a wreck, a wonderful, happy wreck.

2. Finish Aurelia's baby book.  I don't really know how to show that this one is accomplished.  But Aurelia's baby book is filled in as much as it can be.  

3. Get an article published.  Yep, that's right.  I published an article in MomSense magazine (the MOPS International publication), and I even got paid for it!  And on top of that, the Washington State Disability Services is using the article to promote their services and hopefully get more funding!

4. Go to a concert. Read about that here.

5. Have a glass of wine with Carlee, Anna, Shan, Holly, Emily, and any other Forest Fire ladies.  This one was partially complete.  Shan and I were able to hang out. . . we were both pretty darn pregnant so we opted for ice cream over wine.  And I think this crew will get together soon, and it will be epic!

6. Re-memorize the Gettysburg Address.  Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.  Now we are engaged in a great civil war testing whether this nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated can long endure.  We are met on a great battlefield of that war. . . That's pretty good right?  I mean, I still have some work to do.  But at least I'm halfway there.

7. Make a life list.  Instead of a life list, I decided to do a 101 things in 1001 and one days.  Let's be honest, I'm a bit of a procrastinator and I would leave that whole list for my final days.  I want this list to be something that keeps my learning and trying new things, taking new adventures, and continually dreaming of what might happen next.  The new list will debut next week and any incomplete items on this list will make a reprisal appearance.

8. Make something for each of my daughters.  This is the one that I feel like I am the farthest from completing.  I embroidered a gift for my older sister for Christmas and it took A LOT of time.  And I think it used up most of my creative juices too.  

9. Get 6 consecutive hours (or more) of sleep.  I've actually gotten 6 consecutive hours of sleep more than once in the last 3 months, and it's been fantastic.  Sadly, I think those days have left me for awhile.

10. Come up with a name for our daughter.  Marguerite Jeanne Bell Hawkins.  Isn't it lovely?  She's named after my great-aunt and Joey's aunt (Marguerite and Margarita), my grandma Jeanne and sister Sarah Jeanne, and Bell after Joey's mom's maiden name.  We like to honor family in our naming process.

11. Deliver Christmas cookies to our neighbors.  Took care of this one Christmas Eve.

12. Meet Whitney Phelps for coffee.  And I forgot my camera, but it was so fun and refreshing to spend some quality time with an old friend.

13. Host a Christmas party.  Ok, so it was wasn't exactly a Christmas party, more a winter party/freezer shower.  But my MOPS table gathered at my house for a fun night of appetizers and great conversation the first week of February. 

14. Wear leggings. I don't know what my hold up was before.  Towards the end of my pregnancy, my leggings were my favorite pants!  This is the only picture I have to prove it, and it's not the best photo.

15. Paint my fingernails.  Seriously, what was my hold up?  I love having my nails painted now.  Joey even bought me a super cute green and blue color for Christmas. 

Yep, I had green nails when Marguerite was born.

16. Finish writing about Switzerland.  Still working on this one.

17. Not use shampoo.  100% complete!  I think that I might mix it up every once and awhile now and use some Dr. Bronner's and coconut oil.  I'm also experimenting with some more natural face cleansers too.

18. Finish my blog revamp.  This one is pretty close to being done too.  I have a new domain name purchased and I'm learning the ins and outs of Wordpress.  The design is in the works.  Having a baby pushed things to the back burner a little.   

19. Gain 10 lbs.  That's the fun part of being pregnant.  Weight gain is a good thing!  

20. Lose 20 lbs (or more).  That's the fun part of NOT being pregnant.  The weight loss is pretty rapid.  I still have a bit to go before I'm at my pre-pregnancy weight, but I'm feeling good!

21. Make salt.  This one was put on hold too.  We got a really great grill that we were planning on using for our salt making adventure.  But we haven't been able to have the gas guy hook it up yet.  I did make bath salts at MOPS. . . does that count?

22. Take Joey on a date.  Joey and I were able to go on lots of great dates, especially while we waited around for Miss Marguerite to arrive.  Thanks to all the friends and family that helped out with Aurelia.

23. Decorate our home.  I realize that this will be a work in progress, but we're on our way now.  We've moved some furniture around, bought a few new things, and put a few things up on the wall.  This house is starting to feel more and more like home.

24. Go to the cabin.  Went to the cabin twice.  There was definitely A LOT of snow the second trip.

25. Read an Alison Weir book.  I'm about half-way done with Eleanor of Aquitaine, and it is fascinating!  

26. Memorize "The Journey of the Magi." By T.S. Eliot.  Got some more work to do on this one.  I've read the poem probably 100 times.  It's beautiful and interesting and I'm excited to have it memorized.  

27. Get Aurelia to army crawl.  Check this out:

28. Get Aurelia to say or sign something.  It's official.  This last week, Aurelia started saying "Dada" very clearly.

29. Meet Lisa Sorenson and family.  

30. Readers choice.  Anya suggested I watch the last season of Big Love.  Done and done.  Nikki suggested I try a new recipe.  I made my mother-in-law's cinnamon rolls for Christmas morning.  They were delicious. 

I'm 22 for 30.  That's pretty decent considering I gave birth in the middle of all of it!  And I would say I'm days away from accomplishing about 5 of them.  So, I guess I'm a bit of a failure. . . but I still feel pretty accomplished.   

Introducing. . .

Marguerite Jeanne Bell Hawkins

Born at 11:23 AM on Monday, February 13th.

7 lbs 12 oz, 21 inches long, and absolutely lovely.

Big sister is a little uncertain still.  And in typical Hawkins family style, we had to rush Aurelia to the ER during our first night home as a family of four due to projectile vomiting and very un-Aurelia behavior.  Thankfully it looks like whatever is going on is not shunt related.  But it confirmed our suspicions that life with two littles is going to keep us very busy.

More details on the birth and our new addition coming soon!